Two in the Box

Many years ago I put together a roster of players exclusively from hockey movies. This fictional team was pretty well rounded if I do say so myself. It also focused solely on movies and in the interim, Shoresy has become a smash hit, featuring a host of characters deserving of consideration for this exercise. 

The general premise remains the same: create the best fictional hockey roster from movies and TV shows. No true stories, no documentaries, just fictional shows. The team is meant to be well-rounded as well, not an all star team made up of the top scorer in every show or movie. 

Front Office

Owner: Nat – A great replacement for Mr. Ducksworth. Nat is a team-first owner who cares about her club’s connection to its community and the well being of her players. She also knows the importance of butts in seats and the value in winning. She’s an ideal owner who wasn’t afraid to spend when it came time to reinforce the club. 

Co-Presidents: Miigwan and Ziigwan – Like Nat, Miig and Ziig are devoted to the club. They work hard on marketing and community outreach while staying committed to the day-to-day business needs of their team, laying the groundwork to bring in corporate sponsors. They’re the sort of business leaders who help keep teams successful and they’re far more competent than Mr. Tibbles. 

GM: Joe McGrath – McGrath’s pennypinching would make him the apple of Terry Pegula’s eye. Hopefully, under the guidance of a committed owner like Nat, he’d use his extensive connections and experience to pull together a strong club. Remember, McGrath got all three Hansons for free. Quite the acquisition if you ask me. 

Coach: Walter Burns – Unchanged from the original entry, Burns’ discipline-first approach and commitment to a complete game makes him a great fit for my team. He put together a game plan that let the Mystery boys skate with the New York Rangers, I think he’d work wonders with this group.

Assistants: Reg Dunlop, Ted Orion – Orion is an ideal PK coach, a committed defensive mind with solid chops. Dunlop is definitely a player’s coach. He’d be good for the room, acting as a barrier between the players and Burns.

Equipment Managers: Jan and Hans – Easy pick considering there aren’t any other examples to pick from besides the stick boy in Slap Shot.

Trainer: Charlie Kischel – Hell stitch you up so they put you on TV after.

Goaltenders

Julie “the Cat” Gaffney – Goalies tend to get the short end of the stick in movies. Gaffney is one of the few who actually has some chops. We know she can make saves in big moments so she gets the nod as the starter. 

Denis Lemieux – A bit of a loose cannon, he held the fort for a leaky Chiefs team. With any luck, a stronger group in front of him would lighten his load and allow him to chip in quality starts as the backup. 

Defense

Tree Lane – A stay-at-home type of defenseman who would be a key piece on my top pair. All the Mystery players are terrific skaters, meaning he has the blend of size and skating to play the modern game. 

Jonathan “Dolo” Diaby – A third round NHL pick who is an impressive 200-foot talent who can run a power play and matchup in tough minutes when needed. Awful to play against. Huge clapper. 

Ben Winetka and Galin Winetka – This pair is unchanged from the first time around. Brothers with the high-end skating shared by the Mystery products, they have all the makings of a dynamic middle pairing. 

Fulton Reed – The Mighty Ducks movies play fast and loose with positions but I feel Reed plays as a defenseman more than anything in those movies. The big slap shot seems to be the biggest giveaway. His skating is worrisome and he could get bumped from power play minutes, but he has the size and snarl to succeed in limited deployment. 

Russ Tyler – Another iffy skater who will need power play time. Tyler will definitely be a rotational player on this roster as he’d be unlikely to play over Dolo on the top unit. But he has good enough offensive traits to rotate in as a six or seven depending on the matchup. 

Johnny Upton – A steady, veteran presence (the captain of the Charlestown Chiefs), Upton is a decent choice to swap in on a nightly basis depending on the matchup. He’d offer a more defensive mindset than Tyler, offering some nice flexibility depending on the game. 

Forwards

Gunner Stahl – A prototypical power forward with a finishing touch. He’s a huge scoring threat at five-on-five and has some traits that would make him a decent power play option. You just need to keep him out of the shootout. 

Adam Banks – Banks has the sort of all around skill that makes him a great fit with virtually any winger combination. I think he’s the sort of puck transporting center who can serve as set up man to Stahl on a nightly basis while having plenty of finishing skill of his own. 

Gordon Bombay – It’s not ideal that so many of these forwards are finishers. I worry a bit about this team’s ability to distribute. Bombay and Banks strike me as players who thrive with the puck on their stick, so it would be a bit worrisome to play them together and expect there to be enough chances to go around. Still, Bombay’s talent can’t be ignored. I’ll bet on the talent of this group to build chemistry and work through any stylistic issues they may have. 

Brant “Goody” Goodleaf – Goody brings a bit of sandpaper to this second line to pair with his finishing ability. He ought to clear a bit of space for Banks and Braden to work off of while chipping in offensively. Throughout Shoresy he’s shown that he’s a capable top line winger, he ought to fit in well with his high-skill linemates. Plus, he’ll be great in the room. 

Connor Banks – Good enough to land a contract offer from the Rangers, Banks will be a perfect 2C on this team. He’s an excellent finisher with tremendous hands who will be able to drive play on a line with Goody and Ned Braden. 

Ned Braden – A collegiate product, Braden isn’t going to muck it up very often, so he’ll benefit from having Goody skating opposite him. But he’s a strong finisher who can play off Banks to form a dangerous one-two punch on the second line. 

Stevie Weeks – He can be a little quick on the trigger at times, so his shooting percentage will be all over the place, but he’s a burner who ought to be able to adapt to any number of roles. This third line ought to have a bit of everything and while he’s not a physically imposing player, Weeks has enough skill to make this an effective matchup line that is a threat offensively. 

Shoresy – He’s a fine 1C playing in the NOSHO, but his skills would be far better utilized in the middle of the lineup. You know he’s going to drag the team into every game and his willingness to play right on the line makes him an intriguing matchup center. Pair him against the other team’s top line and watch him grind down their stars mentally and physcially each night. 

Derek Sutton – A center by trade, sliding Sutton to wing offers this line a bit of flexibility and adds another veteran presence who plays with a bit of bite. Sutton is hardly a low skill goon and should gel nicely with Shoresy on this third unit. Those two can spend their time chipping away at the opponents while Stevie Weeks flys in to finish chances. 

Jeff Hanson, Steve Hanson, Jack Hanson – You won’t find a more prototypical fourth line than with these three and you can’t make a fictional hockey roster without them. They offer the requisite toughness to serve as a deterrent for opponents and are still capable of producing a bit along the way. Dare I say they are an ideal modern fourth line? 

Extra Forwards

Dwayne Robertson – On a team overloaded with finishing talent, a center who is more of a distributor is a must have. There’s also enough snarl between the Hansons, Shore and Sutton that a proper goon would be redundant. Depending on your mix, Robertson may even be a regular contributor as an asset on the power play and a playmaking center who could push Shoresy or Sutton to a different spot in the lineup as needed. 

Brian “Birdie” Burns – An ideal choice for the 14th forward. Burns is always trying to meet the expectations of his coach, so you know you’ll get an honest effort from him. He has enough skating skill to keep up in a bottom six role, making him a good plug and play option when needed.